The early months of any new year aren’t known for bringing us too many memorable Hollywood films. These cold months are usually reserved for the dead weight fluff that have absolutely no business being released at any other point in the calendar year. On some rare occasions you’ll find stuff that’s decent enough, but most of the time you’re stuck with the sort of films that may as well have been left for dead with a straight-to-dvd release. You know, the type of stuff that’s really only acceptable with a pity-watch on a movie channel after-dark. The Legend Of Hercules is very much one of those films.
You know the tale, but here it is anyway. Taking place in ancient Greece, the film starts with King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins) leading the invasion of a neighboring kingdom. The two large armies face off, set to engage in battle. Cocky enough to take care of things on his own, Amphitryon challenges the opposing side’s leader to a one-on-one fight to death, with the winner taking the opponents life, as well as gaining control of their entire kingdom and army. Victorious, he comes home to his wife Queen Alcmene (Roxanne McKee), claiming that what he did was out of his love for her, but she sees through his greed. That night she prays for to the gods and they decide to bless her with the duty of giving birth to Zeus’ son, Hercules. Only King Amphitryon walks in on the ghostly spirit of Zeus invading his sheets and impregnating his wife. When Hercules is born, Amphitryon is disgusted and gives him the name Alcides, fully aware that he is not his own.
We skip ahead many years later, and see a strapping grown up version of Alcides (Kellan Lutz). He grows up constantly living his life in the shadows of his older brother, Iphicles (Liam Garrigan). While Hercules is strong, heroic, and ready for leadership, Iphicles is everything but that. This puts a distance between the brothers, as well as between Hercules and his father, who sees him as a bastard product of his wife’s infidelity. Unfortunately none of this sticks in enough ways for us to care. Renny Harlin’s direction is cheesy, and a loose script co-written by Harlin along with Giulio Steve, Daniel Giat and Sean Hood does the film no favors.
The only thing Hercules has going for him is Hebe (Gaia Weiss), the love of his life. Amphitryon knows this and out of spite arranges with Hebe’s father for her to marry Iphicles. Heartbroken the lovers try to run away together, but get caught and Hercules ends up sent away by his father to go die in battle. Only here he befriends the groups leader Sotiris (Liam McIntyre) and lives to not only survive another day, but to finally discover his godly strength and purpose. He makes it his journey to seek revenge on his father and brother, and fulfill his destiny.
All of this should have been simple fun but the film is a brutal watch from start to finish. Star Kellan Lutz is a poor man’s Chris Hemsworth, all brawn, and not muc else. He totally lacks charisma or any hint of dramatic ability. He may have sex appeal, but it can only take the brute so far. Gaia Weiss is the only decent thing about the film, bringing some decent dramatic chops to her role, but it’s nothing to write home about. Harlin must have slept through production, because half of the footage looks amateur. Almost every action scene is cheapened by dramatic slow motion that will have you rolling your eyes. The CGI leaves plenty to be desired, with one animated animal looking look it was done overnight.
There’s no redeeming qualities to The Legend Of Hercules. It’s as bad as it looks. It’s not even so bad its good. It’s just bad. The fact that I took the time to even write this much is honorable on my part. This film made 300 look like a cinematic masterpiece. That pretty much says it all.
Stay far, far, away.
Join the conversation