Hansel & Gretel: With Hunters | 2013 | Tommy Wirkola | Paramount Pictures/MGM | January 25, 2013
Sometimes you see movies expecting to see something that is for the lack of a better word: dumb. We’ve all been there. Sometimes you don’t want to be challenged to think to hard and just want to watch something that requires a little less of your attention. You go into the film expecting some mindless action and harmless fun. Maybe a little bit of campiness along with dialogue so cheesy that you have no choice to find it comical in a light hearted way. Considering Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were some of the producers behind Hansel & Gretel: With Hunters, it was almost plausible to think that the film could achieve some of this. I held up some hope. Turns out that was a complete pipe dream. Hansel & Gretel is one of the worst movies you will see all year.
We all know the tale of Hansel & Gretel. Only this time the film turns the Brothers Grimm fairy tale on its head. After the children find themselves at a witches Candy house about to be eaten, they managed to kill her and escape. They go on to become professional witch hunters killing other witches in order to protect other children from becoming witches food like they almost did. Rolling your eyes yet? Imagine if you actually had to watch this.
Hansel & Gretel has nothing to work with. The CGI and effects are laughably atrocious, almost direct to DVD quality wise. The dialogue and script is so cringeworthy that even Michael Scott would have a hard time not turning away. Director and screenwriter Tommy Wirkola actually directed and wrote Dead Snow, a film about Nazi zombies that actually fared pretty well in 2009. With that considered, this makes his role in all this even more disappointing.
I don’t know how Jeremy Renner found himself on the set of this mess. The man has 2 Oscar nominations on his belt (The Hurt Locker/The Town) as well as solid appearances in films such as The Avengers, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and 28 Weeks Later. Sadly it’s not even one of those cases where he is unable to save the film. He is a part of the problem. He sleep walks through the role without a care in the world, delivering the lines as badly as they’re written. Gemma Arterton is just there, and the movie doesn’t seem to want to treat her as much more than eye candy. The duo never develop any chemistry as a brother and sister duo, but oddly enough one could sense some sexual tension in a few particular scenes that left me more than unnerved.
Famke Janssen and Peter Stormare also stumbled into this mess. Both are fine actors but can’t do much more than just do what they’re given. Janssen plays Muriel, the most powerful Witch out there who is on her way of becoming invincible to all who hunt her, even Hansel & Gretel. Her plans of course directly involve the bro/sis duo and require them to figure out a way to fight back. If you’ve seen any movie before you’ll be able to predict how it all goes down. There’s no trace of originality to be seen here. That’s not my issue with the film however. It’s just not fun or enjoyable in any way.
Everything is laughably cheap looking and fake to the point where it takes you completely out of the film, if you were even there to begin with. The film doesn’t make any attempts to use campiness to its advantage and just becomes a morbidly bad B-movie. Even at 88-minutes, the movie felt like an eternity, and I actually felt relived when it was finally over.
Audiences did go out to see this turd, and it churned in $200 million worldwide, a nice feat considering it only cost $50 million to make. With that said, it’s no surprise they’re ready to barf out a sequel. Knowing that, we now have our answer as to why Mr. Renner took this role. He along with everyone else was able to sleep walk through this mess as it made them a pretty penny and will probably continue to do so when the next one comes out. Sadly I won’t be able to forgive any of the parties involved as this was just a horrible disaster.
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